Wednesday, June 16, 2010

The struggle continues...

I'd like to say that it's been a few weeks since my spectacular pool show and that I'm fully recovered, but tis not so.

The first run after my concussion was actually pretty damn good. Got through 6 miles no problem and was feeling great. Not even a headache. The 2nd run after my concussion, not so much. Was suppose to complete 8 miles, my last chance to complete 8 miles prior to the big run mind you, and I struggled to complete just 6 miles. In fact, if it weren't for my running partner, CCJ, I'd have gone home after 4 miles. I've had two additional runs since then, one really tough and one that felt pretty good. Seems I'm alternating between "I'm screwed" and "Hey, maybe I'll make it through after all".

In addition to the struggles with running, I'm still having neck pain, the occasional nausea, had some unexplained weight loss (since regained), an odd bug bite that resulted in a hard lump in my left thigh for 3 days (can bug bites cause vomiting and nausea?) and in general, just not feeling myself. Chalk it up to lingering symptoms of the concussion, maybe nerves, bad timing. Well, the reason doesn't really matter. The important part is that I've been stress eating since Sunday night (hence the regaining of the unexplained weight loss) and wonder if I'm self sabotaging myself at this point, as I count down the final days leading up to my big 10 mile race.

As if all of the above wasn't enough, the Fibromyalgia has been pretty pissed off the last couple of days too. It's been content to linger in my thighs and left ankle. I'm guess this is due to the lack of exercise. The chiropractor told me to postpone my boxing session next week, due to the continued neck pain (and I will) but do hope to get back to somewhat of a normal routine as of Monday, at 6 am. Not hope...I will. As Jillian Michael's said...saying you will try is giving yourself an excuse to fail. I will not try to get up at 6 am on Monday, but simply will get up at 6 am on Monday.

The race is this Saturday and I have to admit, my feelings on that are pretty mixed right now. I'm doubting whether or not I'll be able to run all 10 miles. If I have to walk any portion of it, that will be failure as far as I'm concerned. Walking isn't RUNNING a 10 mile race. I'm looking forward to getting it over with, looking forward to running for the sake of running again, and not because I'm training.

Even though I know I have support from my friends and family, I admit I am disappointed I won't have a familiar face to cheer me on from the other side of the finish line. Seems it might be almost anti-climatic to complete such a feat (a feat for me at least) and not have a friend there to share a celebratory hug with, give a high five to or even, I admit, maybe even share a tear with and take some pre and post run pictures with.

But, despite all of the recent events, I will run the race. I am undettered!

Stay tuned for the results next week!

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